Wednesday, 31 August 2011

I have lost my voice.

I have not been writing anything of substance during the last few months.
And indeed, it’s been years since I felt I had anything to say.
The question is, what am I so scared about? The answer is, I’m “scared” of not being good enough. “Scared” of my thoughts being too unoriginal, or not well enough put. “Scared” that my taste in things is so bad that I don’t even know which of my thoughts are worth saying out loud or writing down, and which aren’t. A while ago, someone or other has told me – relating to a completely different subject, but that is irrelevant – that I’m not really as great as I seem to think, and it just won’t leave me alone. I am constantly comparing myself to others, and concluding that I’m not fit to hold a candle to them. Why are they so much better than me? Envy turns into resentment, and I turn into a bitter cynical misanthrope. Then at times, I tell myself that this whole blogging thing is nothing but a narcissistic, specular, exhibitionist circus world that I don’t think I want to participate in anyways. And fear not, I think the same of the real world, in general, too. From time to time.

Also, I assume, I’ve lost something, and that is time to reflect. Time in which I am alone with myself, left to marinate in my own essence, so to speak. I don’t think everyone is like that, but for me, when I am with another person, or other persons (a lot), I forget myself a bit. I start existing exclusively in the space between me and the other person. I am de-centered. I put myself out into the creative commons. And I lose my own grip on myself.
The above, for some reason, has made it impossible to write anything that is in any way profound, because I don’t even think profoundly. I don’t have to. Everything just trinkles past, in an everlong, inconsequential stream
There might be other reasons as well. But those I dare not think, because they are inacceptable.

This is why there have been only pictures, lately.
And nothing interesting.
Sometimes I read things, and then I think, well, obviously. I’ve thought of that before.
But I didn’t write it down. Perhaps because I was too self-conscious and thought it wasn’t that impressive to begin with. But more likely because I was simply too lazy to put the thoughts into words.

Pictures were taken in and outside of Westlicht gallery, Vienna.
Have a nice day.

Monday, 15 August 2011

Impressions of Bulgaria, Part 2 (Churches and Walls)

As I went to Bulgaria as a part of an art history field trip, most of our time was spent looking at brickwork, buildings and battlements. And of course churches. Especially the brickwork on churches.

Children in Bulgaria are given these red and white yarns on March 1. Then, as soon as they see the first stork (or other harbingers of spring), they tie them around a twing or branch. The strings are called ‘martenitsa’, and they’re everywhere!

Bulgaria is replete with these pocket churches (as I liked to call them) – this one might just have fitted inside my room ...

This is the surrounding wall of an immense medieval settlement identified as the first Bulgarian capital, Pliska. In fact, there is no factual evidence that connects the site with the name Pliska or any of the historical records about it.

Veliko Tarnovo. Impressive medieval town and fortress – but increasingly disneyfied by anastylosis/reconstruction.

Strictly no dancing on the battlements!

Nature comes in ... as well as the very unsuble Bulgarian approach to heritage conservation, which depending on your viewpoint might be construed as heritage destruction.

This is Rila monastery, where we spent one night and where our worldliness and propensity to take pictures was met with increasing scorn.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Sibylle Bergemann

If I was in Berlin, or had a chance to go any time soon, I’d love to see the Sibylle Bergemann exhibition ”Polaroids” at the C/O.

“I am interested in the margin of the world, not the center. For me, it is the non-interchangable that is crucial. When something in the faces or landscapes is not quite right.”
Sibylle Bergemann

(How perfect is that last photo of a girl on a swing in the Mauerpark? I am absolutely in love with it.)

Something for the Weekend

Things I enjoyed this weekend:

  • Picking up the first, tiny, red apples that had fallen from the trees – We’ll be juicing them soon!
  • Engaging barter trade – I gave my friend’s family a bottle of home made apricot syrup and received a pound of bacon and home grown tomatoes and peppers in return. (I think the swap was a bit uneven, I might have to bring a few more bottles next time.)
  • Going for a long run with my mum (or make that, having gone for a long run, because running is just one of the things that I cannot really enjoy doing, but do them entirely for the great feeling of having done them) and then swimming across the lake and back. Yay!
  • Reading more and more about Kara Walker and her disconcerting scissor cut art ...
  • Apricot cake!
  • A Saturday night of videos and Scrabble ... A Sunday night of getting drunk and not getting into a concert and sitting around outside discussing the world’s problems.

And here are some pictures.