Saturday, 8 September 2012

Random stuff I write in the back of my notebook while researching.

You don’t really like discussing things, do you?

Words

I wanted to write: “One thing I've learned is that I prefer working with words to working with images.”

But then I started to think about it some more, and I’m not really sure that that’s what it is.
One thing I can definitely say is that the way art history is done at my university, it is not something I want to pursue for much longer. In that comparison I’ll take the study of literature any time.

But it probably doesn’t simply boil down to words > pictures. Oh no. Cos that would be far too easy and where would we end up if I could ever decide anything?

All of you people knowing what they want – how do you do it?

6 comments:

K said...

it's not about really knowing what you want, it's simply about (consciously or unconsciously) sticking to your antipathies to constrain your choices instead of trying to relativise everything all the time. yes they're subjective but who cares, you're a subjective being after all.

dani said...

WHAT? i don’t know what you mean by sticking to antipathies to constrain choices. :(

K said...

example: "But it probably doesn’t simply boil down to words > pictures. Oh no. Cos that would be far too easy and where would we end up if I could ever decide anything?"

yes it does boil down to that. you decided that you like words more than pictures and that's that. pictures are just fuckin' shit, i wholly agree. it's an established fact. now move on. doing stuff that isn't related to pictures because they quite obviously suck.

Julia said...

still haven't figured out what I want... until I do, though, I've come to the conclusion it's probably best to do something you don't hate instead of doing nothing at all.

dani said...

Oh K.: No, you don’t understand. I haven’t decided that I like words more than pictures. That’s the whole point of what I wrote above. I just don’t know what I like and don’t like. It's not like I relativise things because I think that’s what I should do, it’s because I can’t help it. I can’t “stick to antipathies” (or sympathies) because I know how volatile they are. They change on a daily basis. And I’ve never been convinced enough of anything I’ve done to not eventually get the desire to do something completely contrary. I mean maybe that’s some kind of grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-neurosis. But I can’t just gloss over it and stick to some momentary idea of what I like and don’t like.
I know that your advice is basically: “Get over yourself and stop whining.” And stop whining I will.
But it’s not as simple as you say. I congratulate you on knowing that pictures are rubbish and words aren’t but it’s not something I know and therefore I can’t act on it. And of course that picture word thing is just a specific example for a global issue.
I don’t know who I am or what I want, how can I expected to take decisions. So I don’t. And that makes for a fucking boring life.
So basically that’s my problem, and I know it looks stupid from the outside, and it’s the epitome of first-world-problem-hood but it’s real to me.

I guess what I’d need is some serious introspection and meditation upon the self. That’s such an angsty thing to do, though, that I generally avoid it, and no getting-over-it ever gets done.

celine said...

oh gosh - i feel like you're narrating from my own mind!
i studied literature and never took any art history classes, but i did take art for a while and i just couldn't stand when we'd have critiques or have to give presentations. i preferred just to look at things silently.
and i still don't know what i want to do with m life. the only thing i'm 100% certain about is that my current job is the pits. i hope you figure stuff out soon. at least a little bit! that's what i'm aiming for as well!