I have just realised (once more) how the events in my life bear an uncanny resemblance to Jeph Jacques' "Questionable Content". (I wonder if I can make my eyes go red like that?)
Well, of course, if you try enough, you can make anything resemble anything, and you can make yourself believe anything. Which is not exactly clever, but it is oh so much more pleasant than raw, abrasive truth. I do what I always do on such occasions and try to see the ridiculous side of everything, until enough time has passed to lull me back into pleasant sleep.
Why-oh-why am I not a super-hot female? Fairhaired and nimble. That kind of thing never happens to those.